15
Mar
My Sweet V,
I have sat here for hours trying to decide what to put in the TD for today. I even slept for a bit, hoping that when I woke up I would have the right words… and still…they just seem to elude me. It’s been an odd 24 hours or so…as I said…we women are creatures DOMINATED by hormones, sometimes causing us to act and react erratically. I apologize in advance, for I HAVE to wonder if that is not what is going on with me. It’s a nice excuse anyway! Today was my Mother’s B-day…makes me miss her more today. I often wonder what she would think of her daughter, of the decisions I’ve made and the things I’ve done. I know she can see the big picture and is no longer bound by the confines of this world. She FINALLY knows I didn’t steal her polka dot blouse with the sleeves out of it!…HAHAHAHA…poor little mama. I hope she would be proud of me…and most of all, I hope she has finally found the peace that seemed to hide from her, her entire life. Happy B-day Mom!
I know all you needed…all you WANTED was for someone to listen. I am sorry. It makes me understand a little bit better how difficult the past few months have been for you. It is hard, to stand by and try to be an impartial witness to the one you love…when everything within you wants to jump in and tell them what to do. But perhaps you have understood better than I, all along, of what your “role” is. You told me once that we cannot really change or even really HELP anyone…all we can do is be there to walk the journey with them. And I want to walk with you babe. I can DO that.
We have often discussed my overwhelming (at times) feeling of dread, my fight with time, my fear AND loathing of her. I guess part of that comes from the fact that I TRY to be very, VERY honest with myself. As much as I love you and desperately want you…I have to do that. I know that in the dreaming you are mine. And nothing and no one can hurt us or stop us. I know our love is unstoppable and it nurtures me and allows me to grow. I know that it IS as real as any love I have ever known or experienced and I am well aware of the multiple times that we step in and out of “our” world. For a LONG time, I was able to keep it completely separate from everything else…and I guess somewhere along the way you crossed that road before I did. I fought it for a long time. Even after you began to provide for me, I still tried…in my mind to keep it apart. It has become harder and harder to do so. And most of the time I am fine with it. But there are those days….those rare occasions…that I let it get the best of me. And I have to step back and take a REAL look at things. As much as I wish I NEVER had to, I HAVE to do it to maintain my sanity. And as much as I KNOW that you MEAN every word you say…there are some things that I have no control over…and can do nothing but sit back and watch…and so they leave me feeling afraid and uncertain in my life.
What we have done and shared HAS changed who I am. I am no longer the little girl that looks for the movie with the saddest ending because she knows there are no happy ones. I am not the same woman that looks for one romance to another…always searching. I am not longingly looking out my window…waiting. I’m not desperately lost in the forest trying to find…SOMETHING! I don’t go to bed every night feeling that there is more. I have found what it is that I have searched for my entire life…and all those desires and longings are gone. They seem like DISTANT memories from a former life that I never want to revisit. The only difficulty that resides inside me now is the future and what it holds…and thus my fight with time and her tendency to snatch things from me just about the time I become comfortable…my fear to think of or discuss things like we did today. It causes such a conflict inside me…something that I FORCE myself to look at everyday but NEVER want to SEE! And most of the time you are oblivious to the struggle that goes on inside me…just the way I want you to be…but occasionally I cannot contain it and it comes out in the oddest ways….today was one of those.
And so…please know, my precious husband that I WILL be here for you…for ANY decision that you make. I WILL walk beside you thru them all and support you in WHATEVER you decide to do…in whatever will come our way. I remember when I began to ask those hard questions in my own life, you told me…you would do ANYTHING…ANYTHING you could to help me. And you have done that. You were true to your word…and I knew that the offer came with no strings attached…it held no promises and at the same time made no demands. And so now, my love…I extend it back to you. I will do ANYTHING…ANYTHING I can to help you…no matter how much that costs…no matter what joys or devastations that may bring. It is a free gift…to do with as you see fit.
“Take care what you ask of me…cause I can’t say no.”
Forever your wife,
El
14
Mar
My Precious Husband,
Have I told you how much I love you? You mean SO much to me love. I hope that I did not make you uncomfortable with my letter. Thank you SO much for loving me just as I am and for putting up with all my silliness. You are always SO comforting and reassuring. I don’t know WHY I am always afraid… it is not like you have EVER given me reason to be. It is just hard to unlearn years of things being a certain way I guess. I am SO glad you are a patient man. Sometimes I think you MUST be too good to be true…and then you just keep getting better! It is almost scary !! To think that you have waited SO long for something that you only dreamt about and then to find that it is REALLY true…it is almost unbelievable…and you just pray to God that you are not dreaming…and if you are…that you will never wake.
I WANT to be open and honest with you love. I have spent the better part of my life trying to hide, trying to be something that I thought someone would eventually love. It took me a long time to accept the fact that was never going to happen. And now I know that it was not anyone’s fault, not something I did wrong, not something I should have done different…it was just not with the right person. But I felt like I had to do it…I had chosen it, I would live with it…and I WOULD make it work! It almost killed me, in more ways than one. Thank you love, for giving me the opportunity to be truly loved by someone that KNOWS how to love like I do! You are the most amazing man I have EVER met and your love has allowed me to grow and mature beyond my wildest dreams.
Thank you for the movie, love. It was SO fun! I LOVED watching it with you. Did you know that it is the first foreign film that I have ever watched? There are SO many “firsts” that I get to do with you! And so many “lasts”….you are my LAST love, V…there will never be another. Thank you SO much for sharing them with me and never making me feel silly or ignorant. I LOVE our life together, my precious husband….it just seems to get better each day. “Here with you…I’m free to dream”….every time I hear those words I immediately think of you…as I watch OUR story unfold each day. What a TRULY blessed woman I am. I know there are SO many things that you have wanted to share with someone for such a long time. I am the one you gathered them for, love. It was me. We will do and share them ALL, my king…you will never have to want again…
Forever your personal…:)…slave…D
13
Mar
My Precious Husband,
Thank you SO much for sharing today with me. You will never know what it meant to me, as your wife. To know that you would share something that intimate…something that you would only share with someone you have chosen to spend your life with… truly makes me feel privileged. You HAVE to know that everything is sacred between us. We are not like the others, love. I can hear you telling me over and over “Never forget who we are or where we came from.” And those words have finally taken root, love. I AM beginning to know WHO I am and WHO WE are…who we have always been…and there is no shame in that, love. I know that down through the years the “others” have told us differently…they have spewed their points of view and takes on life as they see it on us at every opportunity. And we in turn, have HAD to listen…as we both wandered aimlessly…looking for our “other”. We no longer have to do that, love. We…WE can finally BE! We can be who we were created to be and find love and fulfillment in each other. YOU are ALL I need, love.
Thank you for helping me fight my battles….even in my dreams. You are right, together, there is no fear and nothing we cannot handle or do. I was SO comforted to see you there, standing close behind me, protecting me, just as you always have. You are truly involved in every aspect of my life…awake or asleep…in SL or in RL…it is YOU who fills my days and roams with me at night.
The past few days have been SO special to me, mein Koenig. The things you have said to me have burned deep into my heart and have transformed my soul. I know that you do not say things lightly and that you say everything for a reason, so I listen carefully when you speak. I know I don’t need to be afraid of what you say…I never have to second guess your words or wonder what you mean. I know you love me enough to be honest with me…and games are something we DON’T do….we have BOTH had our fair share of those. You are always SO kind and caring with me, love. Your feelings for me are always at the forefront of everything we do. I am truly blessed. And I pray that I NEVER, EVER take that love for granted. It has been withheld from us for SO long…I plan on using every day for the rest of my life, letting you know how much I love you and finding new ways to show that love to you.
[2010/03/12 16:45] El Firecaster: We have it all!
Vanish Firecaster: Yes. And nothing’s lost.
El Firecaster smiles… no baby. Nothing is lost. I am yours…. you are mine…. that doesn’t change…ever
[2010/03/12 16:46] Vanish Firecaster smiles. Ever.
12
Mar
My sweet lover,
As I read over the logs I realized that we spent well over 2 hours doing absolutely nothing….and had the BEST time! It was hard for me to condense it down to a “readable’ size….it was SO fun! There is NEVER a moment wastedwith you , love. Everything we do is SO intense, SO fun….SO packed with life….even if we do nothing but lay in each other’s arms! It seems like the last few days we have grown even closer and MORE comfortable with one another….I did not think it possible and yet….it is like every time we meet…we learn something new about each other and our love reaches new depths. Is it possible for a Windows user and a Mac user to ever REALLY be in love??? You bet!
Forever your Windows using wife….D
[2010/03/11 13:20] El Firecaster: Did you bring popcorn?
Vanish Firecaster: Mmmh….chips
El Firecaster: Can you just imagine all that crunching going on under us after it is over?
Vanish Firecaster laughs…..Tsssss…YOU’LL do the vacuuming.
El Firecaster: Not Fair…..*I* will not spill any!
Vanish Firecaster laughs. Mmmmh…. Bet you will?… kisses her softly.
El Firecaster: NOT if you behave!
Vanish Firecaster laughs…. Mmmh…Did I ever behave?
El Firecaster: NO! That’s my point!….. kisses him…. I can’t find the file???? I think my computer ate it!
Vanish Firecaster: Hm. What does the download manager say?
El Firecaster: He doesn’t talk to me!
Vanish Firecaster laughs. Did you download it to the default directory?
El Firecaster: I think so…which should be my desktop…..have I told you I have Vista??? RRRRRRR
Vanish Firecaster laughs. Yes, and I heard you love it.
El Firecaster: Ok…who the hell knows where it is??? Let me see….. wellll….. ok…. it is searching for it…it should be in my temp folder…but GOD only knows where that is located!
Vanish Firecaster laughs. Mmmh…. Vista, vista! Vanish Firecaster cheers.
El Firecaster: I have had to go to the deepest depths of the sea to try to figure out how to search the damn computer!
Vanish Firecaster: Quite a feat if you can’t swim.
El Firecaster: I KNOW! I AM drowning here! It is still searching! GEEZ!
Vanish Firecaster: If it were a mac, it would have found it by now. No. Actually, it would never have lost it.
El Firecaster: If it were a MAC it would be playing it and serving me popcorn and coke…..with the vacuum ready! Yes yes…. I KNOW!….hmmm… well it did not prompt me to restart the computer….but I guess we can try that and see what happens. Will you still be here when I relog in 2012?
Vanish Firecaster: Yes. But there won’t be any chips left.
El Firecaster: damn!… ok
Vanish Firecaster: You see anything OTHER than black when clicking the video button now?
El Firecaster: nope…..just black…let me download the movie again
Vanish Firecaster: Can’t you choose which folder to save it to?
El Firecaster: wellllll….usually it asks…but for some reason it just starts downloading it to that folder and does not give me a choice? I am sure there must be a way to set it in your preferences, but GOD only knows where they are located!
Vanish Firecaster: Hm….In the edit menu?
El Firecaster: I have learned to adjust MY preferences to whatever IT wants!
Vanish Firecaster: Yes. They call it ‘the windows experience’ How to get educated by your computer in three easy steps.
El Firecaster giggles… yes! I am a PROUD computer slave!
Vanish Firecaster: 1. Install Windows.
Vanish Firecaster: 2. Try to do something.
Vanish Firecaster: 3. Follow the cryptic instructions appearing on your screen.
El Firecaster: and 4. start over!
Vanish Firecaster laughs….. Mmmh.
El Firecaster: It just drives me NUTS that I can’t find anything on it! It is like it PURPOSELY hides things! It’s crazy! It is certainly NOT user friendly!
Vanish Firecaster laughs. Yes, I know. That’s why I stay from it as far as possible.
El Firecaster touches him and gives him windows cooties!
Vanish Firecaster: Mmmmmh. What are cooties? Oh wait. You told me once. Oh, no you didn’t. You told me something similar.
El Firecaster: You looked it up! I think it said it was imaginary germs!
Vanish Firecaster: Uh. Am I not allowed to?
El Firecaster touches him again….. ewwwww….you even SMELL like windows now!
Vanish Firecaster: MMmmh. How can YOU tell? You’ve got it all OVER yourself!
El Firecaster: I have anti- windows cootie spray!
Vanish Firecaster laughs.
El Firecaster sticks her tongue out at him!
Vanish Firecaster snatches it. The spray, not the tongue.
El Firecaster: hey! Give it BACK!
Vanish Firecaster laughs. You got windows, I got spray. We both got something.
Vanish Firecaster acts like that made a lot of sense.
El Firecaster laughs hard! That’s what happens when you’ve been infected with windows! You no longer make ANY sense!
Vanish Firecaster: MMmh…. Windows has encountered an unforeseen error. Makes you wonder if there are any FORESEEN errors.
El Firecaster starts searching for where he has hidden her spray! The only Foreseen one is the one that will most definitely occur BECAUSE you use it!
Vanish Firecaster: or an UNEXPECTED failure. That’s even better.
El Firecaster pokes him…searching for hard cylindrical things on his body
Vanish Firecaster: Hum…. clears throat. No, that’s NOT the spray!
El Firecaster laughs… are you sure?
El Firecaster tries to “spray” the top!
Vanish Firecaster slaps her fingers.
El Firecaster: OUCH!
Vanish Firecaster: Yeah, OUCH!
El Firecaster: That’s what happens when you steal from me!
Vanish Firecaster: MMmmh. I need to keep that in mind.
El Firecaster: yes…. I knew that wasn’t the spray any way…
Vanish Firecaster: Mmmmh. You must’ve known it quite INTIMATELY!
El Firecaster laughs hard… You could say we had a “relationship!”
Vanish Firecaster: MMmh….Not anymore.
El Firecaster: hahaahahah…why do you think I am looking for it? I am sure it is cold and lonely now! It LIKED me!
Vanish Firecaster: Awwww. Yeah, poor little bottle.
Vanish Firecaster hands it back……Empty
El Firecaster: CHEATER! El Firecaster looks at the bottle and keeps it anyway! You only THOUGHT you could break us up!
Vanish Firecaster: MMmmh…. I never dared to dream of it. Soooo….How’s your download going?
El Firecaster: ALMOST DONE
Vanish Firecaster: You know, we can watch it another time if you don’t want to now.
El Firecaster: Let’s try again tomorrow…..we have wasted all our time, now…and it is getting late.
Vanish Firecaster: Well, it’s not getting THAT late. And nothing’s wasted with you.
El Firecaster: I am downloading the link you gave me. It’s just taking a while…..says 20 minutes still!
Vanish Firecaster: Wow. Heh.
El Firecaster pokes him…I will give you more cooties and there is NO spray now!
Vanish Firecaster: Mmm…. Where did you get them from anyway? If you’re all cootie-less?
El Firecaster: well….I HAD spray…and someone USED it all…so NOW…everytime I touch the computer….I become infected! Hope you are happy!
Vanish Firecaster: Mmmmh…. Vanish Firecaster is happy.
El Firecaster pokes him! Smarty!
Vanish Firecaster laughs.…FINALLY!
El Firecaster: Is that what you wanted? For me to concede?
Vanish Firecaster: No, I just need to be called a smarty every now and then.
El Firecaster: haahahahah…smarty smarty smarty!
Vanish Firecaster: Yes, yes….thank you….That should be sufficient.
El Firecaster kisses him looking at his tie…you better watch out I could always choke you with this and blame it on windows!
Vanish Firecaster: Oh my. I can always take it off, I guess?
El Firecaster: “But officer, I was dazed! I was overcome with windows cooties and my husband used all the spray….I had no choice!”
Vanish Firecaster: The cooties made me do it!
El Firecaster nods…yep….That would fly in ANY court of law!
Vanish Firecaster: Yeah, I guess that would work. God, I love you.
El Firecaster giggles….kisses him softly. You just love me for my cooties!
Vanish Firecaster: You’re almost as full of shit as I am.
El Firecaster caresses his face softly! Yes we are aptly paired!
Vanish Firecaster: Aye. We can outsmartass them all. Whoever them is.
El Firecaster nods…YES all of THEM!…them over yonder! That must be the people in China….since I am in the US and YOU are in Germany!
Vanish Firecaster: Oh right. THEM!
El Firecaster: Tunisia perhaps!
Vanish Firecaster: Yes, probably. Hum.
El Firecaster: Zimbabwe
Vanish Firecaster: Spain.
El Firecaster: Camaroon!
Vanish Firecaster: Tsss.
El Firecaster: Trinidad and Tobago!
Vanish Firecaster: Stop blaming it all on Africans.
El Firecaster: hahaahahahah…..Argentina then! FRANCE!
Vanish Firecaster: Burkina Faso!
El Firecaster: OH MY!
El Firecaster nods that sounds GOOD!
Vanish Firecaster: Heh, their capital is Ougadougou.
El Firecaster: HAHAHAAHAHAHAH…..I always wanted to go to Ougadougou!
Vanish Firecaster: I love you, sweetness. Even if we ‘waste’ our time. It is so good to be with you.
El Firecaster: Time WITH you is never wasted……I just like to focus ON you when I am here. You are SO precious to me, love.
Vanish Firecaster: I know that. But I like to help you with your technical stuff. And it is for US, after all.
El Firecaster: My windows stuff?
Vanish Firecaster: Hum. Well, not exactlly that. But yes, some of it.
El Firecaster laughs…we will have to address it in the blog…. if it is REALLY possibly for a windows user and a Mac user to be in love???? Can they EVER find common ground?
Vanish Firecaster: Mmmmh. Well… …you’re no windows fanboi….so that helps a bit.
El Firecaster: I am an unwilling windows user!
Vanish Firecaster: Yes. DISSIDENT!
El Firecaster: I LIKED XP but Vista SUCKS! I swear it is like they hid everything important!…just to have you look for it and then ask you 400 TIMES if you REALLY want to see that! Your computer could EXPLODE if you look upon it!
Vanish Firecaster: Mmmh. There was something important?
El Firecaster: I love the way it is paranoid about everything….like….Did YOU really authorize this???? REALLY????
Vanish Firecaster laughs. Yes.
El Firecaster: YOU DID??? Are YOU sure??? Are you trying to trick me??? No really…. YOU???
Vanish Firecaster: Like EVERYTHING is bad and evil, and potentially malicious. And it would be safest if you just sat there and did nothing.
El Firecaster: I KNOW! Makes me crazy!
Vanish Firecaster: Well, you can use the calculator…Or play minesweeper. That might be safe.
El Firecaster: I can’t FIND the damn calculator!
Vanish Firecaster laughs.
El Firecaster: I am NOT kidding!
[2010/03/11 15:16] Vanish Firecaster: Then just play minesweeper.
11
Mar
2010/03/10 13:05] Vanish Firecaster: You know…in the grand picture…everything else pales next to finding you…and being with you…it just seems that everything else I do is just to serve that purpose.
My Precious Husband,
You said you had nothing to give me for our anniversary. That statement was the greatest gift I have EVER been given. I have waited my entire life to hear those words. When you said it, I cried…and it has been playing over and over inside my head ever since. It means more to me than you will ever know and no matter what the future holds or what we become or don’t become the fact that you feel like this and that I mean that much to you is all I need. I know people that have been married their entire lives and have never had that assurance from one another. I know others that have had multiple partners throughout their lives and have never found it. The fact that we have it and SHARE it blows me away. Everything else DOES pale in comparison, love! It is my greatest accomplishment; it is the FINAL piece of the puzzle in my life. I am SO grateful to have found you and to be able to share your life. Everything FINALLY makes sense….all that was wrong is right…..all my questions finally laid to rest and now…I can just be me…just walk beside you…and we can be who and what we were created to be together….fuer immer.
Forever yours….D
10
Mar
From March 26th to 28th will be the Spring Fling Afterburn Festival in Second Life, where I am regularly scheduled to perform on
March 26th, 23:00 UST (3:00 PM PST)
March 27th, 08:00 UST (12:00 AM PST) and
March 28th, 08:00 UST (12:00 AM PST)
I’d like to use this opportunity to give my first cross-grid peformance, streaming and playing at the same time on both OSGrid and Second Life. Thus, the performance will take place in Second Life on one of the Burning Life Sims (location not published yet, but probably on the stage on Guru) and in OSGrid on Ever 011 .
Performance on 26th will last 1 hour, on 27th and 28th 2 hours, yet I will probably play somewhat longer on Ever 01, as we don’t have a schedule to adhere to there. So, you are all welcome to join me on one (or ALL) of the above dates and have a great time.
- Please click the link when being logged into OSGrid to bring up the correct landmark. Alternatively, look for Ever 01 on the map and teleport to coordinates 128, 128, and you should be very close to where you’re supposed to be [↩]
10
Mar
Happy anniversary, love! Every month I wonder what the next one will be like. Will it still be the same? Will our love be different? Will the cares of the world have eaten away at us enough to change who we are? And every month, I find that we are stronger, our love deeper and I still want MORE! More of you, more of what you are, more of WHO you are, more of what WE are! It seems with each passing month our love is reaffirmed. We see how “we” have always been and it serves to let us know we will always be. We learn that our love is REAL in any world or form it takes. It consumes us. It IS us. It is who we are!
The happiness and joy you bring me are greater than any words can express and so with that in mind, I make a feeble attempt to once more chronicle my love for you!
IN THE STILL OF THE NIGHT
My lover comes to me in the still of the night
Bringing remains of the harsh sun
We meet and we laugh, sometimes we cry
As we wait for the dawn of light to steal us away
My lover comes to me in the still of the night
Sleep still on his brow, worries not yet met
His concern is for me, always for me
And he holds me until peace replaces my pain
My lover comes to me in the still of the night
Excitement dripping from his lips
We drive and we walk, we fly and we surf
Falling ever deeper into each other’s soul
My lover comes to me in the still of the night
His fingertips trembling as they touch my body
Our souls unite as our lips embrace
And the wonderment of what is “us” takes over once more
My lover comes to me in the still of the night
His smile leading the way
And nothing but his arms will satisfy me
Leaving me eternally filled and forever longing
Come to me, my love.
9
Mar
My precious V,
I am SO blessed to have you in my life. Your love and kindness always amazes me. I am always astounded that you even find me worth your time, but not only do you do that…you consider me of the greatest worth! You have NO idea how your love has transformed my life, my sweet husband. And while I LOVE to hear your soft words of love towards me and will gladly accept them, I KNOW that I am the real winner in it all!
FOREVER yours….D
[2010/03/08 14:36] Vanish Firecaster: Thank you, *****.
El Firecaster: I wish I could take credit for something, love…I will gladly accept it….but I always feel like the one who is grateful!
Vanish Firecaster: Mmmmh. Well, you let me take you; let me have you the way I want. You are always dressing so beautifully for me, so special. You are caressing me, loving me.
El Firecaster smiles at him. How could I do anything else, love???…I LOVE you! I WANT all those things!
Vanish Firecaster: Yes. But you GIVE so much.
El Firecaster: I guess just as it is hard for you to understand when I tell you that it has not always been so….and you think it is SO natural for it to be the way it is now… that is the same way I feel. It is SO natural how could it be any different?
Vanish Firecaster: Still, I am grateful. And I feel you need to be thanked.
El Firecaster: I remember once walking with you…. and you so despondent…..over lost memories….and I told you we would make new ones and we have. And now those old memories….the ones we thought were SO great at the time PALE in comparison!
Vanish Firecaster: Yes. It’s not even the memories. It is what you are HERE and NOW. Every time anew. I’m so grateful for that.
El Firecaster nods…Me too, baby!
Vanish Firecaster: And I think it’s important to say thank you.
El Firecaster kisses him. Yes. I do too!…caresses him again….. running her fingers thru his hair softly.
Vanish Firecaster: It is so nice just to lay with you.
El Firecaster: God….I KNOW!…it is always SO wonderful!
Vanish Firecaster: So peaceful, so easy to feel at home.
El Firecaster: and I was thinking of that as I wrote the TD about the long walks at night…it IS very similar to that feeling…. SO calm like everything has stopped for that moment.
Vanish Firecaster: Yes. Yes, indeed. God…. We will do that, love.
El Firecaster: Will we?
Vanish Firecaster: We will.
El Firecaster: I was amazed to find out that you had experienced the same thing and I had never told anyone about what I THOUGHT as I walked thru the night…I was afraid they would think I was a FREAK!
Vanish Firecaster: I had to re-read what it says about your psychological type. We are SO similar.
El Firecaster giggles…What does it say?
Vanish Firecaster: It says you are dedicated to what you believe important. That you are extremely loyal. That most people will not understand you, because…your mind is so enigmatic… ..so full of wonders… …which you don’t understand yourself most of the time… …you just live in a world full of exciting things…
El Firecaster: It IS kind of a wonderland in there sometimes!
Vanish Firecaster: Sometimes?
El Firecaster: Ok ok ok…MOST of the time!
Vanish Firecaster: Mmmmh. You ARE perfect for me.
El Firecaster kisses him, nuzzling at his neck.
El Firecaster: Yes. I KNOW that! There is NO doubt in my mind.
Vanish Firecaster: Yes. I just discover more and more wonderful things.
El Firecaster whispers in his ear… I will be fresh and new for you everyday, love. I will be EVERY woman for you. I CAN do that. I have just never been allowed to do it before.
Vanish Firecaster: I know. I know, ***. That’s the thing. I KNOW that! And you ARE! That’s the wonder of it all. I will NEVER tire of you, because one lifetime is not enough to see all your facets.
El Firecaster giggles…Am I like a sculpty prim?
Vanish Firecaster: You are like the… …Eagle Stone……each facet catching the light in its unique way…
El Firecaster: awwww…. From “Gem”?
Vanish Firecaster: Yes.
El Firecaster kisses him softly, nuzzling at his ear…whispering….I love you….
Vanish Firecaster smiles softly, caresses her cheeks gently.
[2010/03/08 15:00] El Firecaster: welllll…..I still feel like I am the winner in it all!
8
Mar
My Precious Lover,
Thank you for loving me enough to care about WHY I don’t sleep. It is not just that you care because I can’t, but you want to know why. I don’t even remember the last time anyone cared about that. It once again just lets me know how much you love me and what I mean to you. To hear your soft voice tell me over and over how much you love me….oh love….you have NO idea how much that means to me, the words are NEVER wasted. They sink down into my spirit and find haven with all the other tender mercies you have shown to me. You have NO IDEA how my soul leaps each time I hear you call my name. I memorize the way it sounds, each inflection burning into my heart. It seems to roll from your lips, as though it has always been there.
Thank you so much, love for sharing with me the mundane conversations of life. I do SO enjoy them. I LOVE to hear your thoughts and opinions, to see how that beautiful mind of yours works and with each thing you show me….I am almost in awe, as I read it and touch it and know that you have been there before me….that something in that article or on that page or in that song…moved you…touched you. It is almost sacred to me, love. When you talk of your life and your past, it moves me SO….wishing I had been there….and then realizing that I was. I was there with you, love on those long walks in the dark. As the light reflected in shards across the path, did you see my shadow there? I WAS there, holding your hand…waiting….waiting…walking the same path in another time and another place, looking for you, feeling the calm…..that same peace that we feel after our bodies are spent….thinking the SAME thoughts…having the SAME longings. We TRULY are bonded, love.
I am SO grateful that we are able to share our world together. You are right, it WAS made for us, and few of the others will ever understand it. I can be ME there and yes, even wear green hair! Thank you for loving me thru all my “stages” and for being beside me as I go though them all. We will explore and learn and grow together. I will gladly be your “rebellious” little Irish lass long after St. Patrick’s Day is over. And when we have spent 10 more St. Patrick’s Days together, I KNOW that our love will still be as fresh and vibrant as it is now. IT never grows old or dies, it simply moves from one reality to another…immer.
7
Mar
His soft voice sang to her. She lay on the blanket beside him, trying to listen intently. It was SO hard when all she could do was think about how the sound of his voice moved her. They had talked of everyday things….his life…her life….their life. And before long, the talk turned to politics. She always cringed when it happened; remembering that one of their first disagreements had been over politics. She KNEW you were never supposed to talk of politics or religion, but they had broached religion on several occasions and done fine, WHY was politics different? She thought it probably had to do with their upbringing more than anything else. They WERE born and raised in two different COUNTRIES after all! At last she decided to tackle it, considering herself to be a little more open minded than she used to be.
She listened to him talk, discussing things that she had always wanted to know but had never taken the time to look up. He was SO knowledgeable and it left her feeling somewhat inadequate. She was amazed at the way he quickly answered all her questions, never hesitating, never needing to think or check facts, it was like it was all neatly stored away inside his beautiful head just waiting to be needed. There was something very comforting about it, yes…..even sexy…that she was with a man that could out do her…that could hold his own and never waver…that immediately had an answer for her every question…and not just any answer….a VERY detailed one. They talked of history and culture and the current state of affairs. It felt as though EVERY era that he discussed was fresh and new…as though he had LIVED it…their conversation spanning over a hundred years. She had almost begun to wonder if perhaps he WAS some mythical, magical creature that never died….maybe a vampire even! He seemed to bring LIFE to every time period! But then, he did that with every conversation they had. She adjusted herself on the blanket trying to find a way, without being rude, to tell him how turned on she was and how badly she needed him. She stifled the urge to ask him any more questions and instead told him how incredibly sexy he was. She could hear the puzzlement in his voice as he asked her why? And she had no way to adequately describe to him what he did to her or how he made her feel. All she could think of was…yes…they could talk of politics AND religion and it would always end up at the same place….in his arms!