She laid her head back, closing her eyes, rocking back and forth.  Oh the feeling!  She had not sat in a rocking chair in over 4 months.  Her mind started to wander as she sat there and as usual her thoughts drifted to him and of recent past.  It was the rocker he had bought for her.  She felt the arms of it wrap close around her body and she imagined they were his.  He had known how badly she had missed the sensation and as was his way, he sought to take care of her, tending to her every need.  She remembered the things she had shared with him and her feeble attempts to work through her past.  She wished that he would not blame himself for things he could not help.  He had truly been the best thing to come into her life…and she hated…that quite like her own nature…he always looked to himself to see if he was the cause of something or what he could do to make it better.  She smiled as she thought to herself how similar they were in so many ways and how it always made her marvel!  It was truly like two sides of the same coin.  There were SO many things they just knew intuitively about one another.

She was grateful for the times that she could share her past with him…all the good and bad…and grateful that he frequently let her cry and express her frustration and hurt.    But most of all she loved his laughter.  She LOVED to hear it…it was quiet and often somewhat under his breath…but it was there…and it moved her.  It brought such great joy to her…and the sound of it could echo in her mind for days.  It was funny to her…she had not really considered herself much of an “auditory” person…but there were things about him that stuck in her head and played over and over.  His soft breathing….his sighs…they way he often “tsked” and didn’t even know it…the inflections in his voice…the way he always cleared his throat after singing each song…the way he got really quiet and said “I love you too, ***” with such meaning, causing such a stirring in her spirit.  It was as though when he said it, it called to her soul and reminded her that she was indeed his.  She could never hear it enough and each time he said it, felt like the first.

[2009/08/25 11:10]  V: I’m a bit tense.

El: why?

V: Because I realized something yesterday.

El: What dear?

V wraps his arms around you, pulling you close.

El lays head on his shoulder

El: Are you okay?

V runs his fingers through your hair slowly.

V: Ellie…

El: yes love?

V smiles.

V: Yes.

V: love.

V kisses you softly.

El remembers this amazing feeling… touches his face

V: You’re like a dream come true.

El buries her head in his chest.

V pulls you tight against himself.

El looks deeply into his eyes… whispers

El: really?

V: Yes love.

And again….

2009/08/25 13:22]  V: How can you be so perfect Ellie? How?

El smiles… you are my angel… you make me perfect.  You see?  They are not ALWAYS pissed!

V: I want to say something stupid.

El: I am waiting… I LOVE stupid!

El giggles

V: And I love you.

El: Tell me… there is nothing you cannot say.

V: Well, that was it…I love you.

El: Oh baby… that is never stupid!

She remembered the wonder and awe she felt those first times…and even though she had heard it several times a day for almost 8 months, it still had not lost its’ magical quality, causing her heart to leap each time he said it.

May it ALWAYS be so love….

Forever your wife…D